I avoided the gaze of my grieving parents, who became bitter or hopeless when they, too, saw no way out. I escaped to somewhere better through my writing and video games. When life is that harsh, and you’re too young to comprehend the gravity of it, all you can do is block it out. But when you’re homebound, your house becomes your prison, too. This level of monotony is instantly recognizable, mirroring the days when I would wake up, eat, stare at a wall, and fall back asleep only to do it all over again. Every day, he takes his medicine, presses a red button to self-administer drugs, and taps away at a typewriter dreaming of a life he’ll never have. You see Benny in bed, with a pill organizer that labels the days of the week. It was simply easier to not exist.Įventually, certain scenes in Before Your Eyes repeat themselves. I went through a year of not even looking in the mirror. What if they went to my school? What if they recognized me? I couldn’t face them, let alone face myself. When my mother would drive me around the neighborhood, just to get me out of the house, I’d duck my head down as low as I could whenever I saw another kid. But this scene also shows that Benny wasn’t talking to his friend, or likely anyone, about what was happening to him. At this point, as the player, you can throw the phone across your room – a small act of defiance in a world where you hold little power. “Because if you were sick, like really sick, you’d have told me already,” Benny’s friend continues. Those accusations stick with you, and in my case, they also came from doctors before my diagnosis. I was told the same on a rare day I felt healthy enough to go for a pool swim with a friend. “I know you’re faking it,” Benny’s best friend tells him on a phone call. But as the months rolled on, they eventually stopped. When I first got sick, my friends called or reached out on MSN Messenger, asking how I was or when I would return to school. “Is homeschooling enough for her to graduate?” And the worst one: “What are we going to do?” “Will we have to put her on welfare when she’s older?” they’d ask. I overheard similar words from my own parents behind closed doors because they, too, thought I’d never get better. They talk about his condition and his doctor’s appointments. In Before Your Eyes, once you uncover the cracks of Benny’s romanticized story and revisit his true memories, you overhear conversations whispered by his parents.

And while my illness wasn’t terminal, it still felt like a death because of how much I had lost. Other days, I couldn’t use the stairs because I would faint from exhaustion. On the few occasions I did leave, it was either for dreaded doctor’s appointments or to get my hair washed at the salon because I couldn’t care for myself. My world shrunk to the four walls of my bedroom. When I was 12, a chronic illness left me homebound for four years.

I’ve battled health issues my whole life. The story’s unexpected and heart-wrenching turn left me in what felt like physical pain because what I saw before me was agonizingly familiar - the kid stuck in bed reminded me of myself. He was never a painter – just a young boy with no control over a terminal illness that eventually kills him. But the truth is Benny never lived past age 11. We’re led from one short memory to the next, where he practices piano tirelessly to appease his mother, falls in love with a childhood friend, and eventually becomes a world-renowned painter.Īt least, that’s what Benny wants you to believe, and what he wants to convince himself. As he tells his life story to the ferry master, the player experiences Benny’s memories through tiny vignettes, displaying his life from birth to adulthood. You play as Benny, a young soul being ferried through the afterlife. For me, those painful times are ones I wish to erase, and it’s a sentiment Before Your Eyes deeply understands.īefore Your Eyes is a short, story-driven indie game with a peculiar gimmick: Each time you blink in real life (the game senses your eye movement through your webcam), the story moves forward.

While these moments get blurrier, there are other memories buried so deep you dare not think of them at all. Over time, they become fragmented, turning into quick flickers of light behind your eyelids, reminding you of a time and place long gone. That trip you took as a kid, that first kiss that swelled your heart with joy – these memories fit into a larger picture of who you are. Often, the happiest moments are gone in the blink of an eye. This article contains heavy spoilers for the game Before Your Eyes.

Before your eyes game story